Former Members = Lost Sheep?

Something that I have noticed over the years is that at almost all new pastorates the new pastor is handed a list of members and former members, and someone asks the question, “What are you going to do about getting the former members back?”      This has even happened to me as both a staff member – the number two man -- and as the senior pastor.    Recently even, I was asked if I was going to work on getting back those folks that the church has lost because of conflict, trials and hurts.    I thought for a minute to see how best to answer that, and then I decided to just be honest.   “No, not really,” I answered.   The person I was talking to probably was a bit shocked and perplexed at my honesty.   Perhaps they thought I was heartless and cruel.    I think they even mentioned, “lost sheep” or something like that.   I didn’t elaborate, I probably should have, but for whatever reason I didn’t so let me do that now.  

Chasing after former members is tempting for many pastors, and there are thousands who do this.   I know this because it is very much a temptation for me.   You see pastors are tempted to try to re-gather all those that have left the fold because they can imagine the loss of the relationships that comes from being a part of a close-knit family for those “lost sheep.”   A good pastor understands that pain and desires to fill that void, but here is the nitty gritty truth of the matter: those who have left the pasture because of anger and hurts are not lost sheep; they are something else entirely but they are not lost sheep.  You see, lost sheep stray.   Lost sheep leave the protection of the shepherd because they see something better in their own eyes – perhaps a greener pasture or cooler pond.  They never leave because of anger.   Lost sheep leave the herd because of sin in their lives.   (And yes, placing work, ball games, family, vacations or anything else above God’s place in your life is sin.)    Lost sheep stray.   Those that leave the church because of the actions or inactions of others have deliberately chosen to leave.   They leave the herd because of hurt, anger, resentment, envy, or strife.    They leave because of some unintentional or intentional jabs to their psyche.  They left because they felt misused, abused or un-included.   They felt this way deep down and made a deliberate and calculated decision to turn their backs on their former “close-knit family.”    Perhaps they did this hastily in the anger of the moment or possibly after a season of stewing, but they made their decision.   I might even add that it could be that they left after deep prayer, Bible study and conversations with wise counselors and decided that their departure is best for the kingdom and is God’s will for their lives, but I doubt that is often the case, though I have no data to back up my little theory.     It doesn't matter though, because whether or not they left the fold hastily, slowly stewing, or after a season of deep intensive reflection they still decided to abandon the herd willingly and of their own accord and they are not lost sheep.    

I have heard stories of some pastors who have worked hard and managed to convince some former hurt or angry members to give the church – under new management – a fresh try.    I don’t know of one story where that worked out well.    People who left brought the reasons they left back with them.   They were quick to feel hurt, pain and anger all over again.   Some even decided to re-ignite the fight with fervor thinking that perhaps this time with fresh leadership they can get their way.   And the old conflict returns and nothing Kingdom reaching is accomplished.    

So I suppose a more complete answer to the question about chasing after former members is this; No, I won’t go after those that left, but I will pray that God gives them peace and allows them to find fulfillment and spiritual nourishment wherever they choose to land.    I will even write a general letter to the congregation to let them know that I am in prayer for them, and that I would love to minister to anyone in any way that I can.    Here are my phone numbers. . . 

Blessings,
Steve