Welcome to “Let’s Chat” with Chaplain Steve. Recently, someone I know was seriously hurt by their significant other in a primary relationship. This person goes through their day wishing horrible things upon the one who caused most of the harm. They hope somehow this person feels their hatred and anger. The truth though is that person doesn’t feel their anger, pain and hatred at all. They have moved on from this relationship. They may never give this destroyed and former relationship much thought at all. They moved on from the relationship they were in, when they initially caused the harm - maybe even before.
Let’s get very real - Cheaters cheat because they are at the core of their heart selfish. Selfish people often lose or maybe never had any empathy for others. They will not feel the pain they caused.
My counsel for the victims of a betrayal is first to consult an attorney and take their advice. Too often women do not receive what they deserve in the split and they and their children are destitute. Next, seek counsel from reputable and recommended therapists or ministers. Get into a recovery group. Find resources for children (if there are some who are involved.) Concentrate on their recovery. And finally FOR YOUR SAKE - work on forgiving the one who caused the pain. If you harbor bitterness and anger in your heart your personal health and other relationships will also suffer harm. Your burning anger toward the pain-giver does not harm them, rather your anger/bitterness controls you and your actions and reactions.
This seems too simple but it seems to work for many. Once when you are ready - not today, not tomorrow - but when the attorneys have things worked out, and after a reasonable amount of time, begin pretending to yourself but saying it out loud - “I forgive.” Say it daily even though you don’t mean it, but in time you will and probably it will surprise you about the weight lifted from your shoulders. When that happens then you’ll be free from the stranglehold of this relationship that was spoiled and terminated by lying, deceitfulness, and the betrayal of trust.
For more information or if you want to talk about what was briefly mentioned here, please call, text or email. Until next time stay safe!
Blessings,
Chaplain Steve
470-328-1838
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